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| Image courtesy: Amazon |
At least I used to.
The concept behind it is hard for me to grasp - this Elf shows up all of a sudden in the house right around the Christmas season, only to report on children's naughty or nice behavior back to Santa?
Maybe its because I am older (or learned that Santa doesn't exist at age 3, there is a hilarious story behind that), but I want Julian to grow up understanding that there is a Santa and the magic of Christmas, but his parents also give presents, and that the big kitchen playset that he is getting this year came from them, not from Santa because not everyone can afford big gifts.
Hopefully this will make him a bit more realistic when he wants Beats headphones or the newest version of Airpods for Christmas when he is in middle school.
As a parent, and as a teacher of on average 150+ 7th graders that are only starting to learn impulse control and executive functioning skills (and have the same psychological development in their frontal cortex as a 3 year old, so between the middle schoolers and Julian, I get it on all fronts, ha), I am so, so against extrinsic motivation.
Sure, one works for a reward and that reward needs to be tangible because abstract rewards are hard to conceptualize. I tell my 7th graders, "Ok, I am going to talk about something abstract: abstract means that it is a fluffy cloud in the sky with sparkles and unicorns and rainbows, and my job is to bring it back down to earth and make it real for you, so you can see and hear and touch it to make sense."
But at what point does the extrinsic motivator become then the expectation? When do we pull back and then try to model intrinsic motivation? Why should the expectation be "Ok, only for a certain period of time, you have to be EXTRA good because someone is watching you?"
The dean back at my school in NYC had a poster that I always refer to when my students act up extra squirrelly: "How will you be when no one is watching?" This is a pretty abstract concept for the middle school crowd since there is always someone keeping an eye out. I always refer to this poster because it's not about when someone is watching, it's about when there isn't anyone there to tell you how to behave.
My friend Jasmin recently talked about a different take on Elf On a Shelf, one that is oriented more towards Positive Discpline, and totally changed my perspective on Elf on a Shelf.
Jasmin mentioned how Elf on a Shelf can be used to report just positive behaviors, and catch kids being good, as opposed to reporting when they are being naughty (or nice, but the emphasis I have found is more on the naughty end).
I definitely need to incorporate more Positive Discipline as a strategy when it comes to Julian; right now, I use "If...then..." to get him to listen and praise him and celebrate when he does things like putting his toys away.
Sometimes it just takes a simple switch on perspective to really change an outlook; I never thought of Elf on a Shelf this way, focusing more on just the extrinsic part and the inclusion of naughty in the behavior reporting.
But if you focus just on the positive behavior, then it can become more intrinsically motivated, and perhaps you focus more on the other bits like moving the Elf around and putting him in zany situations. Then it becomes more fun, and less of a chore for the kids.
My team reinforces positive behavior with our kids every week; we give out fish and recognize them for the good things they do and their accomplishments for the week in our classes during our weekly team building meeting. Then, kids want to be recognized for the good things and their achievements, and in turn, become intrinsically motivated.
Maybe Elf on a Shelf can help with potty training. I definitely need all the help I can get.
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